You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
