she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
