I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
