Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
