She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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