If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
