cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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