I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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