its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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