He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize