She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
