That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
