im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
