I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
