I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
