Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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