I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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