You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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