The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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