i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
