Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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