Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
