I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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