THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
