your parents love me but you hate me
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
