I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
