she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
