I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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