I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I need to calm my uterus...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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