i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
