It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
