go do what you do best...puke behind churches
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
