My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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