My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
