you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
