So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
