I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
