She went from zero to smokin in five shots
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
