and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
