is your mom at the bar?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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