I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
