i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
