There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
