just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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