Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
