Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
