By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
