you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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