Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
