Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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