I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
40s are totally the cure
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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