Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
