I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
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It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
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I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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