Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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