its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize