you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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