It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
