this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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