Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
