Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
