hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
