Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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