it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
