but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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