WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
