If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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