My hand turned me down
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
