Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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