this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
