at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
