this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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