I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
