This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
