his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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