i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
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your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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