He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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